He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
