The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
