i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
