She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
