I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
