I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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