The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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