Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
