He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
