So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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