final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
