i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
