When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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