she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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