so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
