He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
