you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
