her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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