i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I pour the whiskey from now on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
