Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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