Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
