the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
