sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
