Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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