how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
