Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
