It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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