It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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