ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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