porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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