it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My bed smells like the plague
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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