Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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