Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
