College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
