I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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