He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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