I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
