Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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