And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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