Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
