You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
