She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
