Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Come back. Shots need mouths.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
