I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
