They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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