69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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