My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Im part way to drunk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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