im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
