my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
