I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
