What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
