I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
