His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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