He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
