The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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