My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
