How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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