I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Congratulations! We have a period
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