Michael Bay diarrhea
time to smoke my breakfast
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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