I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize