Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
