Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
