i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
