Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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