i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
