is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
