Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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