New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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