Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
