I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
