I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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