I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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