i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
