It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
