Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
