Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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