I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
